All about Me

64 Random Things About Me

1. I was born in 1974.
2. I don't like wine.  No matter how sophisticated I think it would be to drink it.
3. I was adopted by my late father, he died a few short years ago, and to this day I feel that I'm to blame.
4. I act like I don't have a care in the world, when really I worry constantly about everything.
5. I am deathly afraid of water.
6. I played the flute for 8 years.
7. I waited until I was 36 to go back to college.
8. I have only visited 10 states, and the only country I've ever been to is Canada.
9. I'm the mother of four. 
10. I love music, country, rock, pop, top 40. alternative, classic rock, classical, the list goes on and on.
11. I have only lived in 2 states.
12. I would love to learn sign language.
13. I have one leg that is almost an inch shorter than the other.
14. I am constantly frustrated with the school system in my community because the kids who really need help slip through the system.
15. I used to chew on erasers, until another student convinced me that I would get lead poisoning.
16. I wish I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom.
17. I have a membership to gym I never use, and will renew it annually just so be able to say I have one.
18. I would give anything to have my dog Bandit back.
19. I am working on a Bachelors in Legal Studies, with a final goal of becoming an attorney.
20. It makes me angry if I don't get A's in my classes now.
21. My high school grades were so bad I almost didn't graduate.
22. If I was on death row my "Last Meal" would be ribeye and sweet potato.
23. I support the right of gays to marry.
24. I love being short, even if my 12 year old is taller than me.
25. I was never an athletic child, but admire that trait in my kids.
26. If I could move back to my home town I would in a heartbeat.
27. I am extremely competitive even with myself.
28. I want to own a miniature cow!
29. I adore everything pink!
30. I am claustrophobic, afraid of the dark, heights, deep water, and being alone.
31. I truly am a creature of habit.
32. I have a very strange form of OCD (in my opinion)
33. I suffer from panic attacks.
34. I ate peanut butter and black raspberry jelly sandwiches almost every day from 1st grade through 8th grade.
35. I rode an elephant for my 10th birthday.
36. I love food, and trying new foods is a new found love.
37. I love to sing, even if I'm not very good at it.
38. I am very rarely seen without a cup of coffee in hand.
39. I still use the TV as a babysitter on occasion. I admit it.
40. My favorite movie is Dirty Dancing.
41. My favorite movie quote is from Hope Floats
42. I have VERY expensive taste. But don't have the funds to match it.
43. I love my car, even if it will cost more to fix it than to buy a new one.
44. I've never read the bible.
45. I have a lot of great ideas but no idea how to implement them
46. I am the queen of fake it 'til you make it.
47. I love learning new things.
48. I'm a people pleaser. 
49. I was a horrible parent when I had my first 2 kids, and feel guilty about it. 
50. When I threaten to knock some sense into my kids, I'm afraid someone will believe it and report me for child abuse.
51. I worry .....about everything.
52. I hate the town I live in.
53. I want to blog daily but always find something else I want to do.
54. I want to be a rockabilly girl.
55. Google is my best friend.
56. My lucky number is 13.
57. I was never one of the popular kids in school, and liked it that way.
58. I am a huge advocate for chiropractic care.
59. I am horrible with money.
60. I enjoy a good quality beer if I'm going to drink. New Belgium is my favorite.
61. I was 38 before I got drunk the first time.
62. I used to smoke and quit cold turkey when I got pregnant with my third daughter.
63. I really do love my job.
64. I hate the fact that I've put my fiance in the position he is in now.

Making something of myself

Have you ever woke up one day and said.....

I'm just tired of being who I am, and now I'm ready to be me.


That was me. I'm still working on it, I haven't found ME, yet.  It's an endless journey, but it's one that I'm more excited about every day.   I came out of one bad relationship into another, wasting 16 years of my life living with men who made it their mission in life to destroy me.  The places I have allowed myself to go as a person, and the way I've allowed myself to feel about who I am and what I'm capable of, disgust me.  I wish I could blame the people who put me in that position....but to this day I can only blame myself. I am the one who allowed it to happen.

There are people in my life who would like for me to believe that it wasn't my fault that it was these other influences in my life who caused it.  Perhaps they are right.  I still can't place blame for anything in my life on anyones shoulders but my own.  Maybe that is the strength I have now, that new ME who can't accept that I was ever that weak.

What in the world am I doing here?

I don't remember what I was doing, wandering around Pinterest most likely, when I came across a blog post by Blogging With Amy. When I read her great post about avoiding taking on new projects, all those great ideas that are stewing around on your to do list, but never seem to come to fruition. I have a list like that.  It contains everything from the mundane little things like organizing my desk drawer, to things that really do have a pressing deadline like getting those International Business assignments done, and lastly those dreams that I have for where I want to see my life in the future.  I confess that even after initially reading Amy's post I still didn't give much attention to this list beyond making it grow and putting off, putting off, putting off.

Just exactly where in my day was I supposed to find time to do these things?  I'm married to my job, not a day goes by that I don't have at least brief contact with my store, or the other stores that report to me.  I own a small zoo; 4 horses, 3 robo hamsters, 2 red ear sliders, 1 box turtle, 2 African Grey Parrots, 1 cat, 1 leopard Gecko, and a rabbit.  All of which are highly spoiled, and get more than their share of attention. Most of my free time is taken up by the needs and demands of my four kids, and of course I do have to find time for my incredibly supportive fiance.  Did I mention I'm also a full time student? What more could I possibly want to do?  EVERYTHING. There are three pretty big things on this list that are near and dear to my heart.  Two of them are going to need some financial backing that I just don't have at my disposal right now.  But the 3rd, I can see, taste, touch I just need to get moving on it.

So, why don't I get to it? Something always came up.  A youtube video on horse training that I just had to see, a new music video I can't possibly wait to watch, facebook, pintrest, the list goes on, oh wait...I have to get some gaming time in to decompress!!  I just don't have time...right?  right?  hmmmm....that's what I've been telling myself.  Even after having read Amy's post I've had myself convinced that this is why I have yet to make a step in the direction of my goal.  It wasn't until last week when I looked at my store and realized that something had to change or we were all going to be looking for a new place to work.  Not only that, but the reality of the situation is that it may be to late to repair the damage that's been done.  It's starting to look like time for me to consider other options, to keep them in my back pocket ready to run if I need to.

Here's the thing, what I want to do is not an easy task, and for sure not one that is going to take off over night. Under the circumstances, my insecurity over my current employment, and the lack of jobs in our area that pay over minimum wage I need to get my tail in gear.  That is when I remembered Amy's post.  You can read her post here "What Are You Avoiding? And how?", I now realize that all of these little things that are keeping me too busy to get moving are just excuses for me to avoid taking the first steps, and why.  Because I'm scared, scared that I'll never make it, that I'll never be able to succeed.

Now, it's time to move on, and really get started.  Wish me luck, and follow my progress.

The snapchat controversy

The first time I heard of Snapchat I was at work, and one of my employees was discussing her daughters cell phone usage.  She was explaining how her daughter used to text quite a bit but now more often than not she uses Snapchat. Let's face it being the person I am, curiosity got me and I looked this app up, and what I found terrified me.

From the Google playstore Snapchat overview page

"Snapchat is the fastest way to share a moment with friends.
You control how long your friends can view your message -
simply set the timer up to ten seconds and send.
They'll have that long to view your message and then it disappears forever.
We'll let you know if they take a screenshot!
Build relationships, collect points, and view your best friends.
Snapchat is instantly fun and insanely playful.
Show your friends how clever you can be and enjoy the lightness of being!
Front facing camera support on Android 2.3 and above."

WAIT!  You mean to tell me that this app allows me to take a picture and discretely send it to my "friends" with a self destruct option?   I can only imagine the implications to this, lets look at the case of  Cara Alexander *, a 27 year old high school teacher in Virgina.  Ms Alexander was arrested April 26th, and charged with allegedly sending nude photos of herself to a 17 year old male student.  How was this year long relationship discovered?  The boys parents found the photos of Alexander on their sons phone.  Now, imagine these same images sent to your child.  Insert Snapchat. How do you know what they are doing?  Who are they talking to?  Who are they sending images to? Receiving them from? And how ever will you know if your child is the victim of a predator such as Ms Alexander?  The hard truth of the matter is.  You won't.

I really must say that I'm surprised there wasn't more of an outcry against this app before. Are we living in such a bubble that we don't look at what's going on in the lives of our children?  Not surprisingly this app is not available only on Android devices, but it is also available on Apple devices.  Which makes me wonder, just how many of the students in my daughters high school are aware of this, and have installed this app on their school issued iPads.

But today, everywhere I look I am seeing shock and controversy, not to mention pure outrage.  What has everyone so up in arms? Well, don't you know someone figured out that all these images that supposedly self destruct after the approved number of seconds are really still on your electronic device for all the world to discover! In fact there are several sites on the Internet that give step by step instructions on how to recover these hidden files.  And while the creators of Snapchat, make a point of telling you that you'll be told if the receiver takes a screen capture, third party apps as well as a little tech savvy will allow the receiver to save your pictures and videos without you being the wiser.

My question to you all....which is more disturbing?  Snapchat itself or this new found breach?







*For more information on this case and the allegations against Ms Alexander visit The Virginian-Pilot article written by Lauren King

Virus - How Safe Is Your Cell Phone?

According to a report by Chetan Sharma 84% of all mobile devices sold within the United States during 4th quarter 2012 were smart phones.  This pushes the total market share of smartphones to be over the 50% mark.  A trend that shows no signs of decreasing any time soon.  As technology advances, the desire to have one device that does it all becomes more and more of a reality. Not only are we carrying a phone, but also a camera, video recorder, computer,  hand held gaming system, calculator, and more apps than we know what to do with that allow our phones to be and do nearly anything we desire. Wanna watch a movie? Netflix to the rescue.  Tired of carrying a check book to record your debit card transactions? Give Spensa Pro a try.  Love music? Find all you could ever need with Pandora, Slacker, iHeart Radio, and SoundHound. Movie Buffs look no further than IMDB.  It's no doubt, however, that with the good comes the bad. For all the benefits to be gained from smartphones, it was just a matter of time before cyber crime found its way into the devices we use every day.

Just last week the mobile security company Lookout found the malware they have named "BadNews" a new malware trojan that has one disturbing characteristic which allowed it to sneak past the security system used by Google Play Store.  There have been billions of applications downloaded from the Google Play Store since its inception, with new applications released every day.  Because of this, and the reality of the potential for malware and visrus's to creep into the network the people at Google have implemented a new layer of scurity to keep your device and information secure. So, how is it that this newly found "BadNews" threat has found it's way past the security at Google Play Store? Well, in their defense, there will never be a completely foolproof system as the industry and technology changes so do the threats and that is exactly how BadNews has found it's way into our lives.  Because as bad as BadNews is, it isn't the major culprit.  BadNews is simply the tool in which the fraud malware AlphaSMS is being distributed to unsuspecting smartphone users world wide.  The good news for American cell phone users is that as a whole most apps infected with the BadNews malware have originated in Russian applications.  This does not mean that you are out of the woods, just that we as users need to be more cautious in our downloads and making sure that we protect the devices that we depend on daily.

So, how does this software work, and back to our previous question how is it getting past Google?  The trick is in a delayed deployment feature built into the malware.  In its infancy BadNews appears to be nothing more than a harmless if not annoying advertising network. This facade is what has allowed the developers of BadNews to sneak into Google Play Store. Once in your phone BadNews pushes false advertising and news offers to your device just waiting for you to click on one.  At which time it pushes out an even more aggressive fraud malware in the form of AlphaSMS. This has been possible because of the delay in deployment therefore it sneaks in undetected at the time it is admitted into the Google Play Store.

Now, for the real question, What can you do to protect yourself and your cell phone safe and secure?

First and foremost I highly recommend installing Lookout Mobile Security on your device.  While I've never had a virus on my phone I would never take the chance.  Remember that smart phone in your pocket, is at its root a computer, and just like  your laptop and desktop computers it is vulnerable.  Protect yourself!

Do you ever get text messages from unfamiliar numbers urging you to go to a site to pay your bill, claim a prize, or alerts you to a potential virus on your phone?  These and any other text from a number you are not familiar with are best deleted, as they often contain a virus or other form of fraudulant link in which cybercriminals are able to collect your sensitive personal information.

And of course always use common sense when downloading apps and updates to any device you may have. This may be the one step that most people forget, we get comfortable with our devices, and gain a false sense of security when we are downloading from the Google Play Store.  Ensure that the app you are downloading is from a legit source, take your time, double check online to see if you're getting the right app and not a damaging look a like.

I'm tired

I've had this post running around in my head for months.  Honestly, I have to say it was October when I first started putting it together in my head.  By the time I finally figured out what I wanted to put in this place it was January, and I didn't want it to look like just another resolution post.  Because it's not about resolutions.  It's about finally being me.

I'm tired...
I'm tired of feeling the way that I do.  The way that people in my past have made me feel.  I'm tired of not knowing how to move on past those hurts and hard feelings.  I'm tired of feeling like I can't, when I know that I can.  I'm tired of being unhappy with who I am, the way I look, the way I feel. I'm tired, don't have the drive to do and be what I want to be. My head spins and my body aches.  I'm tired of being tired.

So, now I'm going to do something about it.

Oh, sure some of these things I've been doing for quite some time now but need to adjust them to better suit my goals, and some are ones I've only casually considered.

One of the first steps was for me to put an all out honest effort into going back to school.  Years ago I tried to go back to Community College, I aced my one and only class.  But I didn't have the support at home to allow me to continue, I was told that it was foolish and a waste of my time to go back to school after such a long time.  Now, when I look back I realize those were the words of a high school dropout that didn't want me to realize that there was more to life than working a dead end job and drinking. Time went on and once again I tried to go back to school, but once more someone else's agenda got in my way.  Every time I sat down for a lecture, or to study I was interrupted with demands to do what he needed done, when he wanted done.  There was no regard for what I wanted, or needed at that time. Which led to poor grades, so I dropped out. Obviously school was not to be for me. I was stupid, and would never succeed at anything.  Maybe I was part of the problem, I didn't stand up for myself, I didn't make it a priority to succeed.  It was at this point in my life I decided that school wasn't an option for me. I wasn't ever going to be able to do it and do it well.  Thankfully, I met someone who challenged me to be better to find who I really was and somewhere this idea came from, that I could actually do it.  I could go back to school, I could succeed.  But I was terrified of failing again, so I didn't just jump into it. I made a commitment to myself, that I would wait a year and if I was still driven to study and go back so school then I would do it.  I found the school, I knew what I wanted to study, I knew where I wanted to be.  I'd set my sights high.  First I would get a certificate in Paralegal Studies and I'd be able to get a good job in order to go back to law school.  Yes, law school...who cares if I'm in my 30s with 4 kids I am going to be a lawyer.   Now, I'm not going to deny that things have changed since then.  A year went by and I went to enroll in the certificate program as planned, only to find that I qualified for financial aid if I enrolled in the Associated program instead.  Who was I to turn that down!


I look at it this way, the further I can get with grants the better off I will be in the long run. So, yes my plan did change again this last summer when I found out I was able to transfer from the Associates program to the Bachelors program and continue to get financial aid.  I'll actually have my Associates this spring..YAY me.  Did I mention that I've managed to carry a 3.9 GPA.  It was a 4.0 for a long time and one class killed me.  But I must say I'm incredibly proud of myself, and that is what keeps me going.  I couldn't do it along though, my children and my fiance are amazing, they cheer me on, they make sure I get my class work done, and make sure that I attend my lectures when I need to.  For that I couldn't  be more thankful.  They are the reason for my success!

This is just one of the many changes I've made. And possibly the most important because it was the first, and I've maintained it successfully.  If I could do this then I can do anything!