Recently I feel like my whole life is about learning. Every day, everything I do.
I am learning to be a mother to my four wonderful children. Which includes learning to let go. They are getting older, and I have to give up some of that control and let them make decisions. My oldest got a job, which made me panic, had I prepared her for the work force? My 2nd child and only son, well I helped him buy a car. Which involved learning to trust that he has learned the fundamentals, and will be a safe driver. My 3rd child is 10 and starting to express her own style, likes and wants. Which is teaching me to just LET GO and let her grow. Thankfully my youngest has not brought about a learning moment for me yet. I'm sure it will come soon.
I am learning to be a paralegal. Yes, this is huge, it requires class time, lectures, homework, exams, and study study study. It also requires that I be committed and follow through on something. This is something I have never been good at. I easily get bored with things and forget about them. This is not the first time I have gone back to school. But it is my most successful attempt. I have completed two courses. With an A and an A+. I've just finished my third class, and so far I have an A. We'll see what happens after I get my last 3 assignments and 3 exams graded.
I am learning to be a partner in a strong and healthy relationship. Yeah, that's a big one. I've had some pretty horrific things happen in my life. And now I have to overcome them and be the partner that the man in my life deserves. A friend, lover, companion, partner, among other things. We have a strong relationship, but I have so much to learn to make it better. Trust, giving up control, even the basics of housecleaning and time management.
But most importantly, I'm learning to be me. The woman I was made to be. Strong, and independent, smart and funny, but still able to lean on the man I love and let him take the lead. Able to show my EX that I'm not the lazy, worthless piece of trash that he thinks I am. He beat me down and taught me how to be nothing, less than nothing. And now I am relearning how to be.....ME.
